Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Everyone Inevitably Posts Cats

I had a cat once.

It died.

It wasn’t due to my neglect or through any fault of mine it was just really old. Like super old. It was born in a cupboard with my then 3-year-old sister (now 17…ish?) burbling next to it.

I was young and wanted to give him a cool name like Goku, Crash Bandicoot, Zelda (Young enough to have played Zelda on a friends N64 but not old enough to know that Zelda is a girls name.) or Shield Liger  (Does anyone still remember Zoids? That almost deserves its own blog). Both perfectly legitimate names for a cat. But my mum made us call it Charlie. A fact that even though I never really loved the cat all that much, made me love my mum a little less.

He was a good cat. He killed rats. Wore hats… hunted bats? (We don’t have bats anywhere near my house but it rhymed.) And above all else he was a firm supporter of Anwar Sadat (10 points for an I love you man reference.)

I never really cared for it too much.

I’m not a cat person. I’m not really a dog person really. If, when I am charged with your care, you die when I forget to feed you for a few days I will probably only tolerate you at best. But if you can cook well (read: order me take out) I’ll love you for always.

This of course is my round about way of bringing up the phenomenon of cats on, in and around the Internet.

It is getting a little old don’t you think.

Now I’m not as cold hearted as you all think I am right now. I still like to have my heart melted by /r/aww and I will have a “lol” to my friend and yours Maru the Cat.

But when I want to surf the Internet I don’t need everyone trying to show me the crazy things their cat can do.

When I am rich and famous, (mark my words those days are coming... I just need to find my pants and check my emails. Oh and the laundry is still on so I cant leave until that is done.)  I will form a governing body, primarily of people who hate cats, to limit the number of cats on the Internet. A battle with anonymous will ensue where the fate of the world will hang in the balance and Ill probably have to invent Agent Smith style robots.

That could work quite well. I make them out of metal, then every hacker who thinks they are Neo will run head first at it and knock themselves out. Game Over.

Who’s the goose? You are.

Also, as my apology for one of those unfunny ranty type blogs (as opposed to what I normally do? Which is?) here is funny a picture.

Photo Credit goes to Christine. She writes a blog about fashion and other girly things  and lets be honest it's much better than mine.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Meme Monday: Let's Make Hugh Internet Famous

It is Monday. 

Or perhaps it is Tuesday for you. 

Perhaps it is the future and the Gregorian calendar has ceased to be a relevant or accurate way of telling date and time.

Perhaps, the universe you live in has expanded, contracted and generally warped itself in such a way that if I were to travel there my mind would instantly explode, and then implode, and I would finally see the face of this god character everyone goes on about. I would become a new religious figure and return to my own time to preach the ways of Glong, our new alien overlord.

Or maybe it is just Monday.

And because it is Monday, (and because I am an idiot who loves both alliteration and spending far too much time on, in and around the Internet) I have created the new bank holiday we shall henceforth know as “Meme Monday.”

To celebrate this auspicious occasion I have created my own meme. It is based on my friend Hugh, whom I have known for what must becoming up on 10 years. He is one of my best friends and as a result I own all rights to his image.

A few weekends ago this photo was taken of him.

It's something in the eyes. It's like he can see into my soul.
Since then I have been experimenting with various themes, messages and motifs in order to create what I feel one day may become a meta meme. But first I must create a normal meme first.

I call it the Photogenic Scumbag, Or the Photogenic Creeper.  We can work on the name, regardless here are my early attempts and meme creation.

Here are some of my favorite creations, but I beg of you dear reader do not let what I have created hinder you creatively. While the idea of the photogenic scumbag or even the photogenic creep maybe brilliant you can create your own. And I encourage you to do so. Please leave in the comments your own thoughts and ideas for captions, lets get Hugh’s face on all four corners of the internet! 

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Re-Re-Return


Hark! What is that majestic sound?

Could it be? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it  ‘80’s hair metal icon Vince Neil “singing”?

Well, for this metaphor to work you were right the first time.

 It’s a bird.

A phoenix even! Rising from the ashes.

For those that have missed it the phoenix in this metaphor is me, or more specifically this tiny corner of the Internet that I hangout in and occasionally write things in.

Sure it may not be a phoenix. Maybe a pigeon that can resurrect its self. It still only has half a foot from that time it got to close to the Koi pond. It’s lost some feathers because its diet consists primarily of bits of sushi people dropped and a bus hit it that one time.

For this metaphor to continue it had to be set fire at some point as well. That’s a terrible image but remember, like a thai massage, there is a happy ending.

I wont apologise for being away for so long. I’ve already don’t that enough. What I will say is that this little corner of the Internet I call my own will hopefully be a lot more active in the coming weeks, months, years and if my research goes to plan I will one day and forever be some kind of omnipotent overlord.

I have more stories, rants and of course far too much free time.

Is this a promise? Hell no! Just look at the last few posts. It’s just as heartfelt and apologetic as this one. But I’ve changed this time I really have. And by changed I mean I have much more free time.


So, welcome back. The booze is in the fridge; try not to spill the dip on my new rug. Is this a new haircut? It is, thanks for noticing.

Put on your favourite song about coming home, or coming back, or returning, or just hit random on itunes and see what comes up.

I missed you guys.