Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Everyone Inevitably Posts Cats

I had a cat once.

It died.

It wasn’t due to my neglect or through any fault of mine it was just really old. Like super old. It was born in a cupboard with my then 3-year-old sister (now 17…ish?) burbling next to it.

I was young and wanted to give him a cool name like Goku, Crash Bandicoot, Zelda (Young enough to have played Zelda on a friends N64 but not old enough to know that Zelda is a girls name.) or Shield Liger  (Does anyone still remember Zoids? That almost deserves its own blog). Both perfectly legitimate names for a cat. But my mum made us call it Charlie. A fact that even though I never really loved the cat all that much, made me love my mum a little less.

He was a good cat. He killed rats. Wore hats… hunted bats? (We don’t have bats anywhere near my house but it rhymed.) And above all else he was a firm supporter of Anwar Sadat (10 points for an I love you man reference.)

I never really cared for it too much.

I’m not a cat person. I’m not really a dog person really. If, when I am charged with your care, you die when I forget to feed you for a few days I will probably only tolerate you at best. But if you can cook well (read: order me take out) I’ll love you for always.

This of course is my round about way of bringing up the phenomenon of cats on, in and around the Internet.

It is getting a little old don’t you think.

Now I’m not as cold hearted as you all think I am right now. I still like to have my heart melted by /r/aww and I will have a “lol” to my friend and yours Maru the Cat.

But when I want to surf the Internet I don’t need everyone trying to show me the crazy things their cat can do.

When I am rich and famous, (mark my words those days are coming... I just need to find my pants and check my emails. Oh and the laundry is still on so I cant leave until that is done.)  I will form a governing body, primarily of people who hate cats, to limit the number of cats on the Internet. A battle with anonymous will ensue where the fate of the world will hang in the balance and Ill probably have to invent Agent Smith style robots.

That could work quite well. I make them out of metal, then every hacker who thinks they are Neo will run head first at it and knock themselves out. Game Over.

Who’s the goose? You are.

Also, as my apology for one of those unfunny ranty type blogs (as opposed to what I normally do? Which is?) here is funny a picture.

Photo Credit goes to Christine. She writes a blog about fashion and other girly things  and lets be honest it's much better than mine.

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