Friday, January 28, 2011

The Pant Boycott: Day 13

Welcome back.

I hope you came back.

You did, didn’t you? It wasn't a mistake, you didn't hit back to many times and end up here.

 I knew I didn’t say penis or get my tits out enough in the first one. I was trying to be classy, like Jason Statham or Bond, cool, so you want to hang out with me, but cultured, so you’d be like, “oh that guy look at him all sophisticat, drinking red wine I’d say that’s an expensive wine not the cheap stuff cause he can probably tell the difference.” and when I said an adult word you knew shit was about to get real.

So, important topic of conversation. Something that has been made famous recently, by a series of movies that I don’t care to talk about here. (Don’t worry you’ll know the movies, and if you don’t where have you been under a rock and then I’ll ask if I can join you under there because it would make me feel good to have never heard of these movies/books.)

It is the eternal battle between pseudo-scientific creatures, namely Werewolves and Vampires.

The fact of the matter is neither would win in a fight to the death because you have to have special shit to kill them. I mean you could rip the guys head off and hide it but it’s a “fight to the death” no a “fight to the, oh shit where did my head go, oh that vampire dude hid it underground”.

I may be looking at this sort of fantasy animal/human/undead battle a little to in-depth but the only real way to truly officiate this sort of death match would be, assuming we are using some sort of arena, to place a gun in the middle. The gun would be loaded with a bullet, and the bullet would be made of silver, melted down from a cross, blessed by St. McClane, Patron saint of ass-kicking and that guy at McDonalds that lets you order a BLT bagel even though its after 10.30am.  I am pretty sure that’s the sort of bullet that would cause most ‘fantasy’ creatures to explode like they do in Blade, even that big ass dog thing from ‘Never Ending Story’.

If its not some sort of arena based battle well then I just don’t know why you asking me.

Feel free to argue with me but I am pretty sure my logic is flawless.

And also follow me, they count as votes to make me king of the Internets and when I become king of the internets we can dress up all old timey have cake and mead.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I think alluding to the vampire phenomenon is a bid to entice the younger masses. Don't start cradle snatching just yet, Mr Suave.