Friday, June 24, 2011

I It Love So Much That It Pisses Me Off.

You're probably a very level headed person aren’t you?

I am sure you are. So am I really. Except for my one true love; the rant.

This passion of mine comes in handy on the regular,  because when I am pissed my ability to easily complain anything and everything usually makes me feel much better (or ocassionally, like a dirty whore in need of a scrub down and a weep whilst curled into the fetal positionat the bottom of the shower).

There is, however, one problem with the love of ranting, well apart from no one wanting to talk to you because you complain a lot,  people constantly having to tell you to shut the hell up, and the same people possibly hitting you with a nearby book or failing that, flinging a wheelie chair across the office at high velocity (true story).

The true problem occurs when everything is going so well you have nothing to rant about. On those rare days, I sit in my office yelling things like ‘GODDAMN IT THIS COFFEE IS DELICIOUS’ and “THAT SOUNDS LIKE A COOL BRIEF, AND YOU'RE OFFERING ME ALCOHOL AT THE BRIEFING. BRILLIANT! JUST FUCKING BRILLIANT!”

It’s a tough way to live, I am not going to lie.

You start thinking up cool insults like, “Talking to you is even less entertaining that giving a Cornish game hen a roofie and feeding it chicken bacon” (in the vain hope that it will go crazy, or even better, form some sort of giant super chicken, duh), and “That idea is worse than The Situation and Gilberg Godfrey telling jokes about Lisa Lampanelli” (The Situation because he isn’t very funny, and ol' Gil cause goddamn I hate his voice. Either way, the way Comedy Central roasts are written, the joke would be about Lisa’s love of African American penis).

Anyway, it's Friday, which means that I get to go drink the agency's booze (because I get paid nothing as an intern- look forward to that blog in the future), and I will see you all next week.

Hopefully I may have some good news for you all as well, stay tuned.

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